


Cut to the Feeling

by chainsawdog



Category: NeoScum (Podcast)
Genre: M/M, Minor Spoilers, Mutual Pining, yes the title is a CRJ song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-16 09:49:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29698734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chainsawdog/pseuds/chainsawdog
Summary: It's been a long road for the Neoscum, without much downtime. But it's been quiet enough recently that Zenith's found himself thinking about Tech Wizard an unusual amount. That probably doesn't mean anything, right?
Relationships: Zenith/Tech Wizard | Squirt Purpler
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is set vaguely around the latest episodes but I'm not even completely caught up. I've also tried to avoid mentioning major spoilers.

It's not very often that Zenith seizes the opportunity to reflect inwardly. He usually spends downtime doing something that occupies his mind, to avoid unwelcome stray thoughts. But the Neoscum have been on the road long enough now with no life-threatening excitement that Z's running out of distractions. He can only hotsim in Dragonstorm so long before he gets tired. Dak's at the wheel, as always, listening to an audiobook, which he's gotten more comfortable doing now that he's realised no one's judging him for his interests. Pox is engrossed in Candy Crush, her favourite mobile dating sim, her tongue poking out like a cat's. Tech's asleep, cocooned in his wizard robes, his expression soft but tired. They're all tired, really, but Tech's the only one able to get rest right now. Z's a little envious of him. The more memories that come back, the harder Z finds it to sleep.  
  
Envy isn't the reason Z keeps looking at Tech, though, is it? It's like he can't stop himself.  
  
Recently, Z's found his gaze drawn to Tech, even in the most mundane of moments. He's been thinking more about Tech lately, too - how Tech keeps risking his life to keep everyone safe, how he wants them to heal, how kind Tech is, despite everything. The fact that Tech is still with the Neoscum - that's something Zenith can't understand. Z's a human weapon, Pox's morals don't exactly align with Tech's, and Dak... Z knows Tech loves them and that's why he's still with them but there's a tiny part of Zenith that thinks Tech would be better off with better friends. Z's been trying so hard not to push Tech away despite his every instinct telling him to. Z's made an effort to be kinder to Tech because he knows he can be cruel, and Z's even able to relax now when there's a group hug. It's been a lot of change in little time and Z knows they're all just doing their best.  
  
Lately there's been this pit in Z's stomach when he thinks of Tech. A lump in his throat when Tech touches him. Zenith isn't used to nerves like this. Tech is his friend and just like Dak and Pox, Tech is one of the few people Z feels truly comfortable around. So what's ruining this? What's wrong with Zenith?  
  
Almost without thinking, Z brings up recordings of the Scum, looking for vids he's taken of Tech. Most of them are kind of gross - Tech should definitely see a doctor about his gastrointestinal issues - but that's not what's bothering Z. He has the thought that if he looks at vids of Tech long enough, he can stop the urge to watch real-life Tech, get it out of his system, reassure himself that Tech is okay. Because surely this constant need to monitor Tech comes from a place of concern. Z doesn't want to lose a friend.  
  
'Zenith,' Pox's singsong voice interrupts his thoughts and Z snaps to attention, closing the vid of Tech laughing brightly. His cheeks feel weirdly hot, like he was caught doing something illicit.  
  
'Hm? Yeah? What's up, Pox?' Z's heart is hammering in his chest like he's been sprinting.  
  
'You had such a _dreamy_ look on your face,' Pox says with a grin. 'What're you thinking about?'  
  
Trust Pox to pick up on the slightest change in Z's behaviour. He tries his best to shrug casually. 'Nothing really,' he says.  
  
From the front of the cabin, Dak calls out; 'Pox, did you just call Z dreamy?'  
  
Pox pulls a face, and Zenith laughs. 'Ugh, no,' she says firmly. 'I meant, like, he looked like he was daydreaming.' she extends the y in day to emphasise the word.  
  
'Oh?' says Dak. 'What're you dreamin' about there, Z?'  
  
Z shrugs again, not meeting Dak's eyes in the rearview. 'I was playing Dragonstorm,' he lies.  
  
Pox raises an eyebrow. 'Were you playing with someone special?' she asks, her grin wicked. 'Because you're blushing.' she laughs and Z tries to laugh with her.  
  
'No,' says Z, hoping he sounds convincing, 'No one special. It's just kind of warm in here.'  
  
Pox frowns and unwraps a lollipop. 'Hm,' she says, and Z gets the feeling she doesn't believe him.  
  
'Z, buddy, you can be honest with us,' says Dak, and Z's heart once again races in his chest. 'Were you hotsimming in Wizard Whack-Off World?'  
  
'Ugh, ew,' Pox sticks out her tongue like she's gonna throw up. 'Please tell me you weren't doing that.'  
  
'I was not playing Wizard Whack-Off World,' Zenith says, rubbing his forehead like he's exasperated. He can't help but smile, though. 'And nor will I ever. You can check - that game isn't even on my deck.'  
  
Pox looks at him solemnly, and puts a hand on his shoulder. 'Good,' she says, her tone grave.  
  
Z manages a genuine smile.


	2. Chapter 2

It hits Z like a fist later that day. He's given up on the vid idea, but that's left him with unfiltered thoughts. Today, the thoughts refuse to move on from Tech Wizard. When they'd first met, the man had been covered in his own vomit. He punched a guy in the balls with a magic hand because that guy had yelled at them. Sure, Pox and Zenith had both egged Tech on but it was a wild way to be introduced to each other.  
  
That Darkmovers mission had brought the four of them together. It felt almost inconsequential now, killing some guys to retrieve some data. That was nothing compared to what they've been through since.  
  
And through it all, Tech's tried his best to be their moral compass. Even though he's fucked up as much as anyone, he still tries to be better. He tries to make everyone around him better. Tech's insecurities make him easy to influence, maybe too easy. He's like… well, Z doesn't have an accurate comparison that can summarise what Tech Wizard is. He doesn't like bullies, he's erratic and impulsive, he attaches to anyone who's nice to him and hangs on like a limpet. He fucking loves fried chicken, he's kind, he cares so goddamned much that Z wonders how Tech can keep going. Then there's the way Tech laughs. Like you're the funniest motherfucker in the place. It's uplifting, and never fails to make Z smile. Z _wants_ to make Tech laugh. More and more, he's been pandering to Tech's sense of humour, making in-jokes with him, so that Z can have part of Tech's world for himself. Z wants so badly to be part of Tech's world that the idea makes him want to run in the opposite direction, as long and fast as he can, leaving everything behind. But he won't, because losing his new family would hurt too much. Even with this fear, Z knows what it would cost him to run now.  
  
He has to figure out how to be normal around Tech, though. Letting in the thought that - well, that Z might possibly want more than friendship from Tech - that's a lot to handle. His ears are burning from the idea, and he can't fathom how he might handle speaking to Tech when he finally wakes up. And Tech is so casual with physical contact it won't take long for him to touch Z. Hugs, hand-holding, gentle nudges and hands on shoulders have all become the norm between the four Scummers. Everyone would notice if Z started acting weird about it now.  
  
How does someone approach something like this casually? Z can't stop himself thinking, and it's driving him insane. He knows it'll be a while before they stop, but he has to talk to someone. Z moves to sit beside Pox, and hesitates. She looks up at him from her comm, one eyebrow raised.  
  
Z tenses. He takes a deep breath and says, as quietly as he can manage, 'You've had crushes on people before, right?' Already his throat is tightening, and he can't help but glance at Tech, who is still fast asleep. Thank God for small mercies, Z supposes. He makes sure to look at Dak before returning his gaze to Pox, as if he were simply looking around the cabin of Xanadu.  
  
Pox's eyes widen, glimmering with glee. She nods, but keeps her lollipop in her mouth, and Z assumes this means he should keep talking.  
  
'How... how do you know when you have...' he sighs, irritated with himself. Zenith knows the answer. The twisting in his chest, the lump in his throat, his palms tingling, and the overwhelming urge to look at Tech - Z isn't stupid. he knows the answer. Why else would he be asking Pox this question?  
  
Pox seems to realise that Z isn't going to finish the thought. She pops the lollipop out of her mouth and whispers conspiratorially, 'Who've you got a crush on?'  
  
There's a smile at the corner of her lips, but Z can tell she's trying her best to take this seriously.  
  
Z leans back in his seat and covers his eyes with a hand. He groans. 'I dunno!' he says, trying to keep his voice down. 'I don't think - I don't know if I've ever had a - a crush before so like, what if I'm just sick or something? What if i'm having a heart attack?'  
  
Pox laughs and nudges him with her shoulder. 'Z,' she says lightly. 'If you were having a heart attack you wouldn't be asking me about crushes.'  
  
Z removes his hand from his eyes and looks at her. She looks thoughtful.  
  
'I've had _so_ many crushes,' she says, and sucks on her lollipop for a moment before continuing. 'Some of them I just wanted to, like, slap and then kiss and then slap him again.'  
  
Of coruse Z remembers Kannibis Jak, but he doesn't interrupt.  
  
'And some I wanted to, uh, hold their hand and go for walks and, hm, do cutesy romantic stuff with,' Pox stretches a few of the vowels in her familiar sing-song way. 'And other crushes I just wanted to, y'know, smash.' Pox pulls an exaggeratedly nasty face.  
  
Z snorts a laugh and Pox grins.  
  
'You can usually tell when you just wanna, like,' she pauses for effect, wiggling her eyebrows, and Z can't stop himself from laughing, despite being consumed by embarrassment. 'Y'know. Bang 'em,' Pox finishes her sentence and Zenith bursts into laughter again.  
  
'So,' Pox says, her voice and expression returning to normal. She leans back in her chair. 'Who d'you wanna bang?'  
  
Z's breath catches in his throat and he shakes his head. He presses a palm to his chest to try and stop himself laughing, convinced he'll cross into hysterics if he doesn't control himself. 'It's not - I mean, I don't think it's like that. I'm not even sure how i feel about him.'  
  
Fuck. Well that just narrowed down the suspects.  
  
Pox's eyes somehow grow wider, and her mouth forms the shape of an o. 'Him?' she whispers. 'Z, do you have a crush on White Picket?'  
  
This sets Z off laughing again, so much so that a tear rolls down his cheek. His chest is aching. Between the tension and the laughter, Z thinks he might burst a lung.  
  
'Hey!' Dak calls back. 'You havin' fun back there without ol' Da-ak Rambo?'  
  
Zenith can't catch his breath to answer. It's a wonder Tech hasn't woken up, although he's been through so much that maybe his body knows it needs the rest. Z finds himself wondering what Tech's dreaming about. He can feel his expression softening as he looks at Tech, unable to look away.  
  
'Zenith won't tell me what he's laughing at,' Pox complains loudly, in her most childish tone. 'I think he's watching something.'  
  
Z takes a deep breath. He's stopped laughing, thankfully, and tears his gaze away from Tech.  
  
'Well, c'mon Z, don't hog the chuckles,' Dak says, glancing at them in the rearview mirror. 'We all know you can project from your little ocular drone there. Ooh, maybe we should have a movie night!'  
  
'Not while you're driving!' Pox protests, before Z can speak. 'Zenith, wait until we have pulled over before you share those vids with us. I am _not _getting in another truck accident.'  
  
'Okay,' Z agrees. 'No vids till we're stopped.'  
  
Dak sighs dramatically, but doesn't argue.  
  
'What if we go chat in the trailer?' Pox asks quietly. 'I want to know _everything_ about your crush.' She squeals a little, then regains her composure. 'I never really gossiped but sometimes I would, y'know, gossip with my sister and I, um, miss that.'  
  
'I don't know how comfortable I am telling you details,' Z replies.  
  
'Hm,' says Pox. 'Well, maybe you can make up a person and we'll pretend this made up man is your crush and that way you don't have to tell me about the real crush but you are still telling me about your crush, how about that?' Pox looks at Z expectantly.  
  
Z considers this. 'I... guess that could work,' he says hesitantly.  
  
'Good,' says Pox, and waves her hands in excitement. 'Okay, okay, c'mon.'  
  
They go through the tunnel from the cabin to the trailer and Pox sits cross-legged on the floor. After a second Z does the same, facing her. He wonders if this is how people usually have heart-to-hearts. He can't remember talking about crushes with anyone before, but that's not saying much, considering he can't remember most of his life.  
  
'Here,' says Pox, and hands Z a Werther's. He looks at it for a moment, then realises it's one that she took from Tech's Nana.  
  
'Uh,' Z blinks back tears. 'Thanks.'  
  
Pox studies him for a moment, then rests her hands on her shins and leans forward slightly.  
  
'Tell me everything,' she says.  
  
Zenith is silent for a long moment. Then, surprising himself, he blurts out, 'I'm in love with Tech Wizard.'  
  
Pox gasps, and rocks back. Her eyes are huge and her hair is doing that thing where it lifts like she's in a Ghibli movie. Z could swear her pupils have widened too. He can't believe the words that had come out of his mouth. _Love?_  
  
Pox squeaks. 'Zenith!' It's a half whisper and near squeal, and she puffs her cheeks before taking a deep breath. Pox closes her eyes, and a few more breaths seem to calm her down. then her eyes snap open and she giggles. 'Zenith,' she says in a singsong voice. 'Z.'  
  
Zenith feels hot all over and is mentally kicking the shit out of himself. He should have just figured out how to bury these emotions. _Love?!_  
  
'I'm sorry, I'm sorry,' Pox says hurriedly, wriggling. 'You surprised me and I want to hug you!' She grips her shins and takes another deep breath. 'I'm sorry!' she laughs again and wriggles. 'You're telling me something very important and I am taking it seriously and I am also, I want to help you but I did not think you were going to tell me who you're crushing on and then you did and it's Tech and!' Her voice squeaks on the last word. 'I might need a minute.'  
  
Z bites the inside of his cheek. _In love? Really, Z?!_  
  
Pox gets to her feet and spins on the spot, and to Zenith's horror she starts singing. 'Tech and Zenith sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g.'  
  
'Would you keep it down?' Zenith hisses, gesturing urgently for Pox to sit back down. 'This is so fucking embarrassing.'  
  
Pox reluctantly sits down. She cocks her head and sighs. 'I'm so happy for you,' she says, her tone serious. 'Do you want me to find out how Tech feels about you?'  
  
Zenith lies down and stretches out his legs. Pox lies down beside him. They stare at the ceiling of the trailer.  
  
'Huh,' says Zenith. 'Have those glow-in-the-dark stars always been there?'  
  
Pox turns her head to look at him. Z makes a point to not look at Pox.  
  
'You know they have and don't try to change the subject,' she says firmly. 'Z, do you like, want to make out with Tech?' she pulls a face and says, 'Ew. Well, if you do anything make sure I am nowhere near you two. I do not want to know, thank you very much. I already know too much about what Dak gets up to.'  
  
Zenith's head is spinning but he manages a laugh. Does he want to make out with Tech? _Well you jumped straight to love so kissing isn't a fucking stretch, is it?_ His chest feels warm as he allows himself to imagine holding Tech's hand, but not in a friend way, like, actually holding hands. Their hands brushing together, hearts racing, unable to really look at each other. One of them might urge the other with a pinky, let him know that he wanted to hold hands. Tech's skin would be warm, and Z knows Tech has soft hands. He can't stop thinking about how soft Tech's skin is. He's never been more glad nor more mortified that his mods allow his hands to feel sensations the same way normal skin might. Z's face burns as he lets himself imagine Tech's thumb tracing lines against his skin. Z shivers, his whole body alert with nervous energy.  
  
'You _do_ want to make out with Tech!' Pox says with delight.  
  
Zenith closes his eyes and groans. 'I don't know!' he says, his voice strained. 'I - what if he doesn't feel the same way?' He hates how desperate he sounds. 'What if I make things weird?' Z scoffs. 'Tech deserves better than me.'  
  
There's a rustle of fabric as Pox sits up, and Z feels as her hands squish his cheeks. He reluctantly opens his eyes. Pox looks dead serious now, staring into Z's eyes.  
  
'Don't you ever talk about my friend Zenith like that,' she says firmly. 'You deserve good things and you would give Tech good things and you have a good heart, Zenith, you would be such a kind partner to him.'  
  
Zenith tries to let her words sink in.  
  
'I know you,' Pox continues. 'You won't let anything hurt him.'  
  
Z can't quite accept Pox's affirmations. 'My intentions don't necessarily mean I'd be good for him,' he says quietly, through squished lips. Pox relaxes her grip and he's able to continue. 'I'm… super fucked up, Pox, what if I hurt him anyway? In case you haven't noticed, I'm kind of a bitch.'  
  
Pox's lip twitches as she tries not to smile. 'Well, maybe,' she says thoughtfully. 'But aren't we all kind of a bitch?'  
  
Zenith allows himself to laugh. Sure,' he says. He's silent for a moment, and Pox gives him time to think. Then Z says, 'What do I do?'  
  
It's Pox's turn to think. 'Well,' she says. 'Maybe don't start with a confession of love.' She presses her lips together. 'Actually, that might work with Tech.'  
  
Z shakes his head.  
  
'Hm,' Pox continues. 'It's a bit forward. Maybe I can try to figure out how Tech feels about you? Or you could do something romantic for him.'  
  
'I have never done anything romantic in my life and I think it would make him and Dak worry if I started acting… romantic. If I get Tech flowers or chocolate? He would probably assume that he was dying or something and I was being nice because I knew about his terminal illness before he did.'  
  
Pox nods. 'You're right,' she says. 'Okay, I'll go find out how he feels about you.'  
  
Before Zenith can stop her, Pox has climbed back into the cabin. Z stays on the floor of the trailer, half hoping Pox's plan works, half hoping he somehow merges into the floor of Xanadu's trailer and disappears forever.__


	3. Chapter 3

Tech wakes to see Pox standing over him, frowning, a lollipop in her mouth. He looks around blearily, rubbing his eyes and yawning.  
  
'Hey, Pox,' he says, his voice rough from disuse. 'Did something happen?'  
  
Pox shakes her head slowly, studying him like she's never seen him before. Tech sits up straighter, smoothing out his robes in a strange moment of self-consciousness. He knows he's not the neatest or most put-together person, but he thought the other Scum were cool with that. They're all kind of gross, and this is the cleanest they've been in a while. So what's Pox looking at him like that for?  
  
'Have I got something on my face?' Tech asks.  
  
Pox smiles. Tech isn't sure if it's a good smile, but he returns it anyway.  
  
'You don't have anything on your face,' says Pox. 'I was just seeing if I could read your mind, but i guess I can't!' she laughs a little.  
  
'What d'you wanna read my mind for?' Tech asks curiously. 'You know you can just ask me.'  
  
Pox presses her lips together, then sits down beside Tech.  
  
'What,' she says, in a serious tone, 'are your thoughts on Zenith?'  
  
Tech stares at her for a moment. 'Um,' he says.  
  
'Like, hm,' Pox looks up at the ceiling. 'Do you think he's cute?'  
  
Tech blushes, and looks at the floor. 'Pox,' he starts, then realises he's not sure what to say.  
  
'I don't,' Pox continues with conviction. 'Well, I do, but the same way I think you're cute, like you're my family, not in any other way.' Tech can't bring himself to look at her.  
  
'I haven't thought about it,' Tech says quietly. 'Uh, I guess he's cute? But, like, I dunno.'  
  
'Hm,' is the only response Pox gives.  
  
The truth is, Tech has thought about it. Z's so cool, and so decisive, Tech found himself watching Z pretty closely since they'd met. He was drawn to Zenith in a way he hadn't let himself consider until it was too obvious to ignore.  
  
'Wait, why do you -' Tech looks up to ask Pox why she's asking him this, but she's already disappeared, probably into the trailer. It's just Dak and Tech in the cabin, an audiobook filling the silence as Xanadu rolls on.


	4. Chapter 4

While Zenith waits, dreading what Pox will do, he realises he can look through Tech's comm. He's still hooked up to all their devices, and if he gets caught he can probably come up with an excuse. Z's curiosity quickly overrides any sense of guilt - sure it's a breach of privacy, and he's never deliberately sought out his friends secrets before, but, he tells himself, there's probably nothing to find that he doesn't already know. It's Tech! The guy's an open book.  
  
Z skims through Tech's comm, searching for key words. There's a few "Zenith's," and Tech's most recent search history is interesting. "How do i know if i'm gay male;" "how do i know if i have a crush;" "am i bisexual quiz;" "first guy crush;" "neo raising cane's near me;" "signs a guy likes you;" "signs a guy likes you and you are a guy;" and, "webmd diagnose me." That last one is probably par for the course, Z decides.  
  
Worst of all, Z finds a doc labelled "diary." This isn't like Dak's diary, hanging off the rearview mirror for anyone to read. This is clearly private, and Z debates the benefits of reading it without permission.  
  
In the end the decision is easy. Tech's trust is too important and Z knows he's overstepped boundaries already.  
  
He leaves the matrix just in time to see Pox returning, looking pensive.  
  
'I asked him if he thinks you're cute,' she says solemnly.  
  
Z sits up like he was jolted by a cattle prod. 'Straight outta the gate then, huh.' He has no idea how he can sound calm, but he does.  
  
'I wanted to know!' Pox sighs dramatically, flopping down on the floor. 'But he was really weird about it and he wouldn't look at me.' She crosses her legs and rests her chin in the palm of her hand. 'I mean, he did say "I guess he's cute" but he also said he hadn't thought about it really. I'm sorry, Z.'  
  
Z's heart is thudding so fast he's sure Pox can hear it too. He leans forward and pats her on the shoulder. 'It's okay, Pox,' he says. 'I think this is something I have to figure out myself.' After a beat he adds, 'Thanks for trying.'  
  
Pox nods. 'Okay,' she says. 'Well, keep me updated.'  
  
'Will do,' Z replies, smiling. 'You're a good friend, Pox.'  
  
Pox sticks out her tongue, which has been coloured blue by the lollipop. 'You're a good friend too,' she says.  
  
'Can i be alone for a bit?' Z asks. 'I need some time to think.'  
  
Pox nods, and hands Z another lolly from one of her many pockets. She moves as silently as ever, leaving Z alone with his thoughts.


	5. Chapter 5

Tech is waiting for Pox as she comes back into the cabin, and waves her over to sit next to him. 'Hey, Pox?'  
  
'Yeah?'  
  
'Why did you ask me if I think Zenith is cute?' Tech knows he sounds too eager, but he can't help himself. 'Did he say something? Also where is he?'  
  
Pox seems to think for a moment. Then she says, 'Z's in the trailer, having Z time. But I think you should talk to him when he comes back.'  
  
This does nothing to settle Tech's racing thoughts. He fidgets with the sleeves of his robes, and says, 'Pox, if he said anything about me, you'd tell me, right?'  
  
Pox shakes her head slowly. 'He told me that he needs time to think and I'm not gonna speak for him,' she replies, as if that explains anything. She at least looks apologetic. 'I guess he'll talk to you when he's ready.'  
  
'Hey Pox,' Dak calls. 'Come sit up here, I wanna talk to ya.'  
  
Pox looks at tech for a long moment. Then she presses a Werther's in the palm of his hand and makes her way to the passenger seat.  
  
Tech can feel his fingers trembling as he unwraps the Werther's. He doesn't want to wait for Z to talk to him, he wants to talk to Z now. But rushing in might ruin everything, and Tech doesn't think he can handle fucking up another relationship. Especially not with such a good friend.  
  
Tech puts the Werther's into his mouth and thinks of his Nana. He wonders what she'd think of Zenith. They've met before, but that was under false pretenses and - Tech wrinkles his nose - someone had said _Pox_ was his girlfriend. She'd played along to get candy.  
  
Tech looks out the window. Zenith's acerbic, quick to respond with words or weapons, depending on the situation. Tech knows the way his heart flutters when he makes Z laugh isn't just happiness at making a friend laugh. The heat in Tech feels in his face when Z smiles at him, that's not platonic. The dreams Tech's had of Z? Those are self explanatory.  
  
Tech sighs. If Z needs time to think, Tech will give that to him. Dak plans to pull over soon anyway, so they can stay the night in real beds rather than in Xanadu. Hopefully Z'll have had enough time to think by then.


	6. Chapter 6

The way Dak watches Z when he hops out of Xanadu's trailer makes him think Pox spilled the beans. They've finally reached a motel where they can stay the night, hopefully without making a scene. Dak gives Z a thumbs up and a wink as Z rounds the truck and approaches Tech, heart in his throat.  
  
'Uh, hey, Tech,' Z says, and immediately kicks himself mentally for not coming across more naturally. But, if he doesn't act now he might never have the courage again.  
  
'Yeah, Z?' Tech replies, with a glance in the direction of Dak and Pox. What have they told Tech?  
  
'You wanna maybe, um, go for a walk?' Z suggests, and maybe he's imagining, maybe it's the sunset, it but he could swear Tech's blushing.  
  
'Um, yeah. Okay,' says Tech. He won't meet Z's eyes, but he falls into step with Z anyway. Z leads him away from the motel and their friends.  
  
The motel backs on to a sparse forest, and from the look of it there's no one else around. It's perfect for a confession, but as they walk Z finds himself tongue tied. Tech isn't faring any better. He's fallen a step behind Zenith, and is walking in complete silence.  
  
A fair distance from the motel, Z mutters, 'Fuck this.' He turns, and Tech stops in his tracks. Tech looks at Z, clearly nervous.  
  
'So, uh, what's going on, Z?' he asks. To someone else, his tone might sound casual. Z knows Tech better than that though, and can hear the uncertainty.  
  
Z takes a step towards Tech, and Tech steps back.  
  
'Just - stay there for a second,' Zenith says, trying to keep the frustration he feels out of his voice. It's not tech he's frustrated with, and he doesn't want Tech to think he's angry.  
  
'What? Why?' Tech sounds a little panicked, but doesn't move. Z stalks up to Tech, who's now fiddling with the sleeves of his robes, and struggling to find something other than Zenith to look at. Z gets close enough that it would be easy to lean in for a kiss, but he finds himself tensing up at the thought. Instead, he studies Tech closely, taking in his facial features, his gaze lingering on Tech's lips.  
  
'Is everything okay, Z?' tech asks. He puts a hand on Zenith's shoulder, and dips his head so Z has to meet his eyes. 'Hey, you can talk to me.'  
  
That's when Z breaks, and he takes Tech's face in his hands and kisses him briefly and awkwardly on the lips. He just manages not to smash his face into Tech's, and Tech can probably tell that was Z's attempt at a kiss rather than a failed headbutt. Then Z drops his hands, pulls away, spins on his heel and walks rapidly in the opposite direction, deeper into the forest. There's hardly any cover here but Z's instincts tell him to find a hiding place far from his mistake. He just kissed Tech without asking, that's far worse than an awkward declaration of romantic feelings. Too late, he hears Tech calling after him, but Z's covered enough ground that Tech's voice is faint. Let Tech go back to the others and he can tell them how weird Zenith acted, and maybe they'll laugh - but no, that's not like them. None of the Scum tease Zenith unless they think it's something he won't mind.  
  
Z isn't paying enough attention to his surroundings to notice the tell tale signs of a magical barrier, which he runs face-first into. His nose gets squished, but doesn't break.  
  
Tech catches up soon after, panting a little, and Z realises Tech must have run after him.  
  
'Look, Tech, I'm sorry,' Z begins, but he's cut off by Tech pulling him into a bear hug. Tech holds Z close and Z rests his head against Tech's shoulder, trying not to cry. Of course he couldn't ruin this friendship, not even if he tried. Tech won't let him.  
  
Tech pulls back a little, but doesn't break the hug. He looks at Z, and smiles. Without a word, he leans his head forward slightly, and his lips brush against Zenith's.  
  
Z's breath catches in his throat at the touch, and his body acts without thought, following the small kiss with another, this one more confident, no longer a question but an answer. Tech laughs against his lips, and responds in kind, deepening the kiss and holding Z close in his embrace.  
  
Tech is the one to press his tongue against Z's lips. Z parts them enough to feel Tech's tongue against his, his face is burning. They pull apart just enough to catch their breath, and Tech laughs again.  
  
'Why are you laughing at me?' Z asks, pressing his forehead against Tech's chest. Even as the question leaves his mouth Z knows that's not the case. In Tech's arms, Z feels strangely small. He knows he's safe, but he's completely alert, every nerve standing on end. Tech kissed _him_. Z is stunned by Tech's confidence, and frightened by his own impulsiveness. He wants to stay there forever, he wants to flee, he wants to throw up.  
  
'I'm not laughing at you,' Tech responds, running his fingers through Z's hair. 'I'm just happy.'  
  
Z grabs Tech's robes in his fists, unable to speak. Does Tech know what he's done to Zenith? Can he hear Z's heart pounding? Does he realise how much this intensity of feeling could be mistaken for fear?  
  
'When did you - um,' Tech sounds unsure, and Zenith looks at him reluctantly. 'Y'know.'  
  
Z raises an eyebrow. 'When did I what, Tech?' he asks. His voice only trembles slightly. Z makes himself feel Tech's physical presence, reminds himself that he's safe with someone he trusts. Someone he loves.  
  
'Realise you had a crush on me?' Tech finishes, in a strained voice.  
  
Z laughs, and shakes his head. He lets go of Tech's robes and takes a step back, wrapping his arms around himself. 'Uh, let's see,' he says, feeling self-conscious. 'I think… it was when we nearly lost you to those elementals in the redwood forest at Fyre Tower. All i could think about was how the world would suck without you. I, um, I did think about kissing you then but it didn't seem like the right time. and I couldn't say anything when you were body-hopping because that would have been super weird.' Z pulls a face, and Tech smiles. 'What about you?'  
  
Tech scratches the back of his head, which bumps his hat forward. 'I dunno,' he says, absentmindedly fixing his hat. 'I really wanted to impress you from, like, the moment we met. I thought, y'know, "wow, Z's so cool and funny and smart, I want him to think I'm cool too," but there was so much going on I didn't really think about why until recently and, uh, I guess from day one. I didn't even know I counted as bisexual until a few days ago.'  
  
'What?' Z asks, smiling despite himself. 'How would you not count as bi?'  
  
Tech shrugs. 'I've only ever, like, kissed two girls. And I'd never kissed a guy until you.'  
  
Z considers this. 'I think you might have been my first kiss,' he says slowly. 'Unless that memory was blocked, too.'  
  
Tech's cheeks turn bright red, and he looks at the ground. 'Was it okay?' he asks.  
  
Z laughs. 'I enjoyed it,' he says, and takes a step closer to Tech. 'I dunno if I'm any good at kissing, but it, uh, was nice.' He's blushing again, now, wishing he had something to fidget with, somewhere to put his hands. Somewhere other than Tech, that is.  
  
'Well,' Tech says thoughtfully. 'I guess we can practice together.'  
  
Z makes a sound halfway between a cough and a laugh, and says, 'Sure!' before grabbing the front of Tech's robes and pulling Tech to him for another kiss. This one lasts longer, and Z lets himself get lost in the sensation. Tech's lips are soft and his mouth yields to Z's tongue as Z kisses Tech deeply, lips parting. Tech grabs almost desperately at Z's jacket, small, pleased noises escaping his mouth as Z kisses him hungrily, unable to stop himself now that he's finally getting what he wanted. Z feels Tech's hands move along his back, and he bites Tech's lip before catching his breath.  
  
' _Fuck_ ,' Z says, and Tech nods mutely. His hands find Z's butt, and Z flinches as Tech squeezes. Z shakes his head, and Tech quickly removes his hands.  
  
'Sorry,' Tech says. 'I - I'm so sorry, Z.'  
  
'I - no, it's me,' Z says, taking Tech's hands in his. 'I - I'll need some time to think about... about what I'm comfortable doing.'  
  
Tech nods. 'Okay,' he says. He puts a hand up to Z's cheek, and Z leans into the touch. He kisses the palm of Tech's hand gently.  
  
'I do _not_ want to go back to the motel,' Z says flatly.  
  
'We can stay here a bit longer,' Tech offers, his tone gentle.  
  
Z sighs. 'I just… I don't wanna answer any questions. Dak gave me a thumbs up before. Even if they don't ask us anything, they're gonna _look_ at us.'  
  
Tech chuckles, and puts his arms around Zenith. 'We gotta go back eventually,' he says. 'Or they're gonna do something stupid or dangerous to find us.'  
  
Z groans, burying his face in Tech's neck. 'You're right and I hate that you're right,' he says.  
  
Tech squeezes Z. 'C'mon,' he says. Z reluctantly leaves the embrace, and sees that Tech has a huge smile on his face. Z can't help but smile, too. Tech takes Z's hand in his. 'I'm sure it won't be too bad.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If the spelling seems weird in this fic, it's because I'm Australian, not American. And I wrote most of this on my phone, not my laptop where I usually write. Thank you for reading my first Neoscum fic, I want to write more Tech Deck (Z/Tech) in the future but who knows when I'll be able to. If for some reason you read this but don't listen to Neoscum, please listen to Neoscum.


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